I Am About My Father's Business... This is for K...... A Morning God Incident! - Open Memoir

 

How do you solve a problem like Maria? comes from a musical with a setting during a time of war... It feels like that kind of time these days, don't they? Many of us feel like we've been abandoned by our own nation, even though, logically, we know that this too will pass...

But that doesn't help, does it? All of our lives, in small ways or large ways, we have felt a drive to find our dream... A dream that needs Love, Respect, Truth, and Support from Friends... In the past, some of us in some small ways also got assistance from our government... but that has been withdrawn by the supposed conservative republican group... who has worked to now have control that is supported by a biased supreme court that no longer supports Law... Only Power and Greed...

This morning I met a young mother, K....... Somehow I had successfully established myself on TikTok... And even marked somehow to start this site each morning... I've been intrigued that only Black people's posts have appeared each morning. So, I've begun to interact with them... Identifying myself as a white sister only... I wanted to know that indeed I am white, but under God, we are brothers or sisters... It's only been a few days of a popup first thing... So I've only been taking the time to talk with the first popup... But this morning, I believe I was led to check out a few more posts. All from Black women. I contacted one and am hoping we may get a discussion going here...

But then I clicked one more time and it was K...... She was A God Incident, even though I had not really started my day... Meds to take, cats to feed...bedside exercises... start a load of washing... You know, multitasking as we women are prone to do...

But K was crying...and the title was A Single Parent. Of course I am a single woman, but she is also a parent... My mind immediately went to my mother. But I knew one thing immediately also. She was in trouble. She was in emotional stress. Had become damaged... And her mind had stopped functioning routinely. She was Not OK...

She started logically... I'll use my own words to talk about it: Isn't it about time that a discussion begin about single women who have kids... She had already received many individuals returning a response. But, soon, I was aware that God had sent me to her...

She was Single. She had a job. She had children. And she Needed Help that seemed to be unavailable, even though she'd been trying to make it on her own... She had insufficient funds to meet basic needs.

My Mother had 4 kids. She was a widow with some government income. There may have been insurance because she bought a home and sold her marital home. We did move to a small town where relatives lived. But she was still working, it seemed, 24/7 to keep us together as a family. I remember the one time we children heard her crying.... She was in the basement where she kept canned food, pretending to clean the shelves there. It was shortly after her one son was leaving to go to a private school. Arrangements had been made by her neighbor who was also her primary employer. K...... was feeling as if she had nobody to help her. That was an assumption on my part. However, it was based upon my awareness of how this repubican president has gone after those who are DEI. Many of them Black...

It was clear to me, listening to her words, that she was now in burnout that required some type of medical support, if she could afford it. Burnout although not a medical issue, must be treated medically however. I've mentioned that I've been on a medicine for over 20 years due to the changes to my brain from Job Burnout that had gone on for years... I don't know any of her background, but I knew what I saw.

I saw me, crying, sometimes screaming at the world, lamenting that she had no help, yet was expected to be strong...

And all the white, white supremacists men were doing everything they could think of to ensure no federal government support from our own taxes paid, available for assistance... That money was building a ballroom, putting the presidential signature all over the world, stealing from programs that had been formally approved by Congress. For his own benefit and that of those Haves who had created this insurrection against a federal government that had worked to provide in the past, when the need was apparent. All of that had been washed away with one man writing his name over and over and over. And then bragging about it...

Signs of Burnout - How I became Emotionally Damaged...

Stress - Each of us have different responses to stress... For me, I either cry or get angry - and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

Signs of Stress which is the first clear sign of Burnout...

You have no time for yourself, you feel trapped, tired because you are always working... or dealing with home problems during times outside of when you are working and they don't want you to handle personal issues during work hours...

Your mind won't stop thinking... else you may forget something that needs done... At the worse times, I started keeping a notepad near my bed to jot down sufficient words that would allow me to remember what I needed to do next... or just remember...

But that doesn't stop your mind working...With me I chose something that worked for me. You may have other ways... Smoking, perhaps, or a glass of wine... both of those were something I was not used to consuming so my stress reliever was often food... None of these are healthful things to  choose. But in a time of stress, I'm Not Ok...and you might choose to give yourself a break from the norm in some way... Forgive yourself and use that time to help yourself... 

Sometimes music will help...

When I knew I was really in trouble, I called my choir director, who also worked at WVU. I thought she might be able to understand the volume of work that employees were assigned to complete. When she was not home, I called my pastor. He and his wife came to my home, immediately prayed for me. And after talking a little, advised I go to my doctor as soon as possible. At that time I was told to "Choose my job or my life..." I chose life, even knowing income would be a problem...

The pastor brought me a disk of instrumental Christian music. It was the best for me at that time. Words in music was not something I could endure--I'd heard too many words on the job and needed silence. I withdraw when emotionally overwrought. Dino was one of the pianists who I listened to as well as Yanni, and classical music... I also dropped out of all reasons to leave my home...

I lived alone at that time; my mother who had lived with me had died a natural death... The quiet I needed was available. Family tried to get to me, I ignored the attempts. I do not remember how long I became a hermit...

But this is for K and other single parents. Especially women. Especially at this time when white men supremacists are in control...

And attempting to use religion to explain their actions... How dare they!

A single mother is in major danger of becoming closer to official Burn out... There is no way to work at a low salary, have insufficient income to meet all of your needs, including babysitting to provide some degree of time for yourself. If there is another woman who came into the father's life it can be even more devastating as women have been betrayed and left alone to deal with a life where she is totally alone. For me, I was able to retire early because of years served. I was able to relocate and move into a solitary life... Mothers can't do that... I have great sympathy and empathy for those single mothers...

Books

If you have the funds to buy, or borrow, books, they can be a wonderful escape from reality... I choose Cozy books when I'm Not Ok. In fact, I would have been writing about one today, so look for it next... Includes animals, cat and dog characters in this case, and a good mystery. In fact, reading a mystery or thriller gets you involved so that your mind may be able to pull out of your misery for awhile, at least. Maybe after the kids go to bed... Each of us NEEDS TIME FOR OURSELVES!

Being Emotionally Damaged is nothing to be ashamed of. K didn't want to have her kids see a "less than" strong mother... But if you can't find help from people, then if they are old enough, and you haven't already done so, ask your children to help with things at home... Dusting, sweeping the floors, and more based upon their ages. Note: if all under 6, say, this won't be possible... so help needs to come from ourtide your home... Mom had each of her children take on household duties based upon age... By the time I was old enough, I was dusting, I recall, while another cooked for the week, one handle the yard, and one did all of the bed changing and washing, sweeping floors and the harder, heavier tasks... At a later age, I was carrying water to my elderly neighbors for a nickel... All money earned was given to Mom. My brother carried Grit paper until he left home for senior high... I took over his route... These are just a few of how a family can pull together to share more of the burden on a single parent...

We were a family totally involved in the Baptist Church. God and His Son were in our lives early and remained there. I was the only one that didn't marry and have children. I have never taken the time to really think about why that was my decision. Perhaps even then God saw a fatherless child would need special attention. I seldom worry about trying to understand God's plans or actions. 

Some thoughts on how some women became single moms... Of course, there is no reason to discuss the reasons. They may or will be entirely unique in my opinion. And only the women involved who becomes single mothers should work to understand the how/why of the situation in which they find themselves. I believe we should each strive to Know Thyself. It's important to understand so that you can quickly forgive anything you think might have caused your situation and forgive yourself. My father was killed in a mine accident. Killed by a horse kick. There was no fault...But even if a woman feels some fault, you need to learn to forgive yourself... Because your Father in Heaven forgives and still loves His children, even after having your own children... God is Ageless... is something also important to remember... He will never leave or forsake you. Trust me, I know that from my own experience...

An experience I willingly welcomed and continue to choose when any doubt comes into my mind...

Folks, let us not forget about women's health rights which were and continue to be screwed with by this republican party... Let's consider the one issue that is supposed to be christian-based... Remember when Roe was overturned and suddenly, all the women, pregnant women were being harassed at one of the most important times of their lives? Remember when, in order to get health care while pregnant, many were forced to go to other states to get proper hospital care? Or, remember when a woman who had died and the government forced that family to keep the mother alive until the baby was born? Or, let's also remember a child who became pregnant through rape and could not find assistance in her own state and had to relocate to another state, in order to receive appropriate medical care...

Just a reminder that everything I speak about is based upon documented news reporting...

Let's face it, especially about abortion... This has been an issue for hundreds of years, often initiated by poor mothers, or women who have been raped. Women's health rights have been removed under this republican party/administration.

BUT,

It's not enough to just claim that abortion is a right to life issue, while at the same time, this same party has pulled food programs in schools, for personal needs and more... Even married couples can no longer meet basic living needs because of actions by this administration... While they attempt to use some religious doctrine that may or may not be relevant to the involved woman.

Let me remind all women that white men have fought hard not to give women the right to vote. They even chose that Black men, about whom they had no desire to have them in politics, was given rights long before women. There is something very wrong, especially for those who claim they follow the teachings of Jesus, while working diligently to NOT meet the needs of the "Least of These..."

I say to all who read these words...

Two-faced men in politics speak only to ensure they get elected. Women have always been known--that is, Black Women--to bring about change through using voting rights... Voting rights which now the president has added to the long list of, you might call it murder, of people's rights so that he can use the money of programs, such as Medicaid. that once served the needs of the poor... I could go on... But we all know that women across the world have, for the most part, never gained the respect that should be given by one person to another... I know it, Black women know it...Many white women know it...In fact, it appears from the protests now going on that women of all ages are fighting back against a group that is clearly led by white supremacists men who feel their power includes controlling the lives of all women...

What a mess!

K... Know that You Are Not Alone

Gabby

Talking to All Women!