Hello Darkness...my old nightmare... Will We Ever Talk Together Again? Vote Truth and Love! Open Memoir

 

When I wake up very early in the morning and be in the middle of a discussion during work hours from about 20 years ago, I have to wonder, now what? This time I turned over and went back to sleep only to wake hours later in the same type of work conversations...

So I began to explore...what's happening in life that has brought back PTSD nightmares--remembering the confusion and anger that led me to realize I had no choice but to retire, earlier than I'd planned. I had been fortunate in my career, loving the work I was doing as I moved from office to office, getting promoted, better pay... Until I was promoted into a position that was beyond the clerical roles there... To a boss who taught me what was needed to centralize classroom scheduling and management for an entire campus... Something you must learn on the job, since there is no training, at least at that time... Again, I was loving it, gaining knowledge, working with faculty and deans and the Provost for Instruction, with whom I'd had an earlier position as his secretary...

All was fine until 3 military individuals from the campus ROTC were hired at a new level above our office. My former boss was "moved upstairs" which was a way the university officials sometimes used to get rid of somebody they wanted to replace... My new boss came in and did exactly nothing to even begin to understand the details of my position, which had been Assistant Director at that time... I've already covered what happened at that time in another post... So, this morning, what had made my inner mind...panic...

Ahhh... Today was Election Day! Was that part of it? For everywhere you turn there are ads to vote for this person or that person... Have you ever notice that none of them tell their political party? It's like, we're keeping everything low-key... Some might be playing the blame game about the opposite party... To me, there really is no reason to listen. There is only one way that an individual can reasonably vote... Against the majority party that is in the midst of tearing our nation apart...

Or, maybe, it was the last commentator I listened to before turning the television off to being reading... It was about Trump hosting a lavish party, while at the same time, attempting to stall the latest judge's ruling that he had to return SNAP benefits to the millions affected... He has learned to softly lie--have you noticed that... He used to scream and shout. Not with his confidence back by million and billionaires who are quite willing to pay for the use of his presidential power, we see millions being fired, with no reason or justification, often illegally... We see citizens grabbed off the streets or from cars or from their homes...Nobody is safe... This is a time when the whole world is being disturbed by those who have gamed the system to get and remain in power for their own desires--not to serve the people in their countries!

 Or was it my reading of books such as a woman who committed suicide after having been trapped in a human trafficking situation which is now spreading across the headlines because the republican party are delaying releasing the records on the Epstein case, while the administration has moved Maxwell to a posh jail where she is free to be the bully she was to our young teens?

Or was it reading about a father who is teaching his son about his religion, yet ensuring that the boy will keep his mind free to listen and learn, for their are fanatics in his religion just as there are those in the Christian religion--now Christian Nationalist--who have been taught that violence is necessary to retain their "religion."  Or, maybe, it's the awareness that Gaza people are still being starved, Israel prime minister is still leading bombing there, while Trump and his "negotiation" group have achieved the funds to do what they want to do--create a Trump Tower or whatever a place for the rich to party on the beach will require...

Or is it something much more sinister about how those of us who pay our taxes or get jailed are seeing what has happened when the "rich and famous" are allowed to be in control, including the government which was created to ensure our rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness..." (this is true across the world right now!) Promises are made, ignored, and the rich get richer and the poor get poorer...

Let's look at some of the words which have made this one of my favorite songs...

The Sound Of Silence

Lyrics:

Hello darkness, my old friend

I’ve come to talk with you again

Many wait to after dark, perhaps when kids are sleeping, or perhaps traffic noises become less bothersome... Me, I substitute the word darkness and use Silence here too... For when your mind is so filled with anger, frustration, hopelessness, and, worst of all, fear, I pull within, I retreat from all that is outside, perhaps I'll read, if I can, but the silence sometimes is the only thing that will help... Maybe some turn on the music at high blast, hoping to shout out the sounds... Maybe others will go somewhere outside, and alone, and scream so loud just to know that their voice can be heard, even if that person is the only one who hears it... Silence, for me, is my old friend and that's when I talk, and possibly hear, if I can hear, "My Child you are not alone... Remember, your thoughts are my thoughts. I hear the painful noise in your mind... If you can hear My Voice, Be Still and Know that I am God..." Sometimes I hear...

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone

‘Neath the halo of a streetlamp

I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share

No one dare

Disturb the sound of silence

I'm not comfortable in a crowd... it can be the same with just ten people or ten thousand people... So many people talk just to be talking... Hearing their own voice is more important than listening to what others have to say... I'm not comfortable with people with whom I have no connection. Right now, I don't even know if I could talk to a pastor, because he or she might have accepted that violence is needed to please God... They'd rather stifle voices through stun guns, their fists, or even their guns, than listen to anybody who disagrees with them... My interaction has been cut, personally, to just two people with whom I can share my real thoughts and concerns... 

As a consumer, companies have turned off communications other than phones, which they "think" everybody has access and full use of, which I don't. Those who you do call, may hear "this call may be monitored for... whatever they claim" while I'm wondering "why?" Others send you thousands of emails--from companies wanting your money... But don't expect to be able to actually respond to their email, because it is marked "Do Not Reply..." 

Seriously... I bought a washing machine and dryer from a local store... Repair problems began; I find it was made overseas, and there is no law that they have to provide repair service...

Seriously... I needed a landline to continue... I did not want auto pay... they stopped sending bills by slow mail... I don't have bills to pay... They shut off the phone, without notice... I stop in their store... Am told I have to start over because I didn't pay my bill... Seriously... is this what happens when a company gets so big that mistakes by their own people are ignored and the customer is therefore wrong and deserves punishment--Shut her Off; Make her work to solve the problem even if we cause it..." After all, she should be using a cell phone rather than a land line... She should relocate if she can't get cell service... Yeah, right...blame somebody else... Even the president does it, so why shouldn't we?

“Fools” said I, “You do not know

Silence like a cancer grow

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you”

But my words like silent raindrops fell

And echoed in the wells of silence

Words are thrown out so fast and frequent, that overload comes quickly... It's done on purpose--for a reason--hoping you don't see that more money is being given to those buddies who are rich and famous... Who cares if they traffic young children for sexual purposes? We've got a party to go to... Or retribution to achieve. After all, this Attorney General had the audacity to document my guilt and brought charges against me! How dare she? But I will repay, saith the political power who you foolishly voted for... Why is she even still working--she's DEI, we must get rid of her, along with everybody else who were once allowed to live a little better with government help... Or this person had the audacity to send people and find records that I wanted to keep--thinking I could maybe get some money out of this lousy job that nobody allowed me to do the first term...Now, I know better...and have the help of other big-money power-grabbers...who just wanna have fun...and not deal with the losers who voted based upon all those lies I told... And, they never even caught on after 4 years! So, screw them, I've taken over... yet...there are some who who actually see me! I hate them! I admit it! And, I'll make them pay... I'll send people to stop their voting... I'll show them... 

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made

And the sign flashed out its warning

In the words that it was forming

And the sign said “The words of the prophets

Are written on subway walls

And tenement halls

And whispered in the sounds of silence”

Wait, my base is getting smaller... They seen those men come into the tenement halls to take away their homes, to send them out of the white country I want to build... Why do they not treat me like the god they thought I was...they prayed for me, laid hands on me... Now, even the Pope and many religious leaders are speaking out against me! Why? They knew who I was and still voted me in... I'm gonna...get back at them... close public schools, take food out of the mouths of children... I told them I would be their retribution, but I was really talking to my fellow rich people... not those who come from the "shit holes" of the world...

© 1964 Words and Music by Paul Simon

Folks, I didn't know what I would be writing until I wrote it. I need to get read to go vote... Won't proofread, so forgive me until later today... I'll fix them... 

And if you think I'm rambling, remember I care and

wanted to remind you all to go vote...

God Bless

Gabby