Side-Kick Eleanor Visits to Tell About Armed and Outrageous by Madison Johns! Come Meet Her!

Eleanor had blue eyes that simply danced, and her well-wrinkled skin was covered with large moles, as if she collected them. Her thin, gray hair was curled today – her hair appointment had been only yesterday. When she laughed, which she did often, her whole belly shook.
"Why would I lock the door? I knew you’d be coming straight here after getting the paper. How is Roy this morning?" She giggled and tried unsuccessfully to stop. "You’re the one that has eyes for him, not me, Eleanor." "Really? Do you think he would be interested?" Her eyes danced suggestively. Ignoring her chatter, I held up the newspaper and handed it to Eleanor to read. She carried it to one of her white wicker chairs and sat reading the article before handing it back to me. 
"It said the same thing on the news this morning. The girl’s father is on his way here too," Eleanor said, putting her hand against her mouth as if someone else could hear her. "Word is that he is staying at Robinson’s Manor while he's here... 
"Put your hand down, and start acting serious for once. How in the world does he think he can get in there? They are always booked this time of year." 

"There is one suite that is always empty. I heard they remodeled it real quick like just to accommodate him." 

"Certainly not … the suite?" 

"One and the same." "The suite where Mrs. Robinson was raped and murdered?" I couldn’t believe it. "Nobody in their right mind would want to stay in… that room. Maybe he doesn’t know." "Beats me, but word is he wants to be close to the place where his daughter went missing." I cleared my throat. "Where exactly would that be, Eleanor?" 

"I was hoping you would ask. Not far from Quick Stop. It was the party store she was going to on Tuesday." I stood and walked back through the house with Eleanor hot on my heels. "You won’t find anything there. If the police haven’t found anything, what makes you think you will?" "Eleanor, I’m a concerned citizen, and it’s my god given right to get to the bottom of this. It could be related to Sophia’s disappearance. What if all of these cases are related?" Eleanor put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Honey, I know you want to believe that, and I’m not saying you’re wrong, but it’s a long shot. I hope Sophia is still alive too, but Agnes, it’s been a year." I wiped away a tear that formed. "I know you’re right, but I have to do this." 

~~~

Armed and Outrageous

Madison Johns

I'm Eleanor and I don't mind being the sidekick for Agnes...she's got the smarts for solving mysteries, but I got...ahhh. where was I? Oh yeah! I've got fortitude! Or at least I used to have it 'fore all those shenanigans happened where I was working--but that's another story!

Agnes is my best friend--and I don't have many. At 82, there are slim pickin's for finding somebody that accepts you as you are and still sticks around...But I doubt I could live with the woman--she's just lookin' to git killed 'cause she never gives up until she solves a case and I'd like to live a little longer. Still, when those goons threw that Molotov cocktail into her home and burnt it to a crisp, I was sooo scared they'd finally got her! Who? Well, let me tell ya the story...

We spooned in our delicious concoction when

 Dorothy and Frank Alton walked in and hugged

 Sally, who’s their granddaughter. 

Eleanor froze with her spoon midway to her mouth,

 and chocolate syrup dripped down and

 rested on her cleavage. Frank drew his gaze

 as if on radar, openly staring at Eleanor’s 

now chocolate-covered chest. Dorothy’s eyes

 grew large when she saw Frank ogling Eleanor.

 Her nostrils flared, and she resembled a bull about

 to charge when the wife started to bark or so it seemed. 

 "It’s not my problem your husband knows

 a good look-in’ woman when he sees one." 

Dorothy cleared her throat. "Good looking?

Miss Melanoma." What I saw next baffled my mind. 

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Eleanor

 tackled Dorothy, dog and all. They scuffled on

 the floor and rolled around resembling a pair of flailing

 fish while the dog yipped and yapped up a storm

 to Frank's laughter. Eleanor got in a few punches,

 but Dorothy yanked her head back, and spat

 in Eleanor’s face. At this point, even Zeus had sense

 enough to retreat from the pair. Dorothy managed

 to make it to her feet, but as she tried to

 stagger away, Eleanor snatched her wig from her head.

 Gasps were heard about the room, and Eleanor

 lifted her head up and walked away.

 "I so showed that bitch," Eleanor said. 

Dorothy wasn’t through yet. I could see it when he

r eyes glazed over. She planted a tub of ice

 cream over Eleanor’s head, and cackled

 when she couldn't immediately get it off.

~~~

                                

First of all, Agnes is a retired Private Investigator, so it's kinda in her blood. But when her granddaughter went missin' there was just no stopping her! She even dug out her old ID even if it was out-of-date...

Sophia has been missing about a year and now a new one, Jennifer, has disappeared! Seems there had been others that are missing as well! Jennifer's father came into town and she immediately didn't trust him, but guess who came with him?! Agnes' former boss! Now, let me tell you, she'd always had the hots for him, but he was married and never paid much attention to my poor girlfriend... Once I saw him, I had to admit that he was one cool dude, even if he was younger than me...

Hey, I look when I can!

Now, I'm going to tell you something about this book! There is a scene in it about me... And it's just not true! That writer was trying to make us sexy ole broads and, of course, we are...but that scene at the senior citizens home...twasn't me! Why, everybody knows that I haven't been able to get down on my knees for "anything" for decades! 

A shame, really...

Well, Agnes did start finding clues--a shoe along the road where Jennifer was taken...

Then we found her boyfriend's cabin and he gave us her backpack which we promptly went home to dump and review...Wasn't much but everything helps a little and, of course, Agnes had to later turn the backpack over to the Sheriff, so we didn't even have that...Then her boyfriend got all beat up and so did Roy at the Bait Shop...


Buttttttt, well, I shouldn't tell on myself, but I really played a good one on the Sheriff! Now, what is it they say on TV--now, don't do this at home?

Welll, I did...when they came in unannounced to get that backpack!

"I’ll follow you to Eleanor’s and retrieve the backpack." He added. "I’d like to be home on time tonight."

 I stepped outside and felt a chill as if being watched. I got into the Cadillac and drove back to Eleanor’s house, followed by the sheriff. Once there, we walked into her house, and we both froze in our tracks. Eleanor stood buck naked in front of a fan. We were shocked, but from the look on Eleanor’s face, she couldn't care less. I’m not sure who was more shocked, the sheriff or me. 

Sheriff Peterson turned his back, and I’m sure he planned to gouge his eyes out later. Her rolls and sagging skin covered most of her private parts, but it was a sight I could have gone without myself. 

I handed the Sheriff the backpack, and he ran out the door. I heard him stumble in his hasty retreat. There was something about the sheriff’s demeanor that I just didn’t trust. He was hiding something. I wish I knew what. 

"Eleanor!" "What?" She smiled. "I was hot, and I needed to dry off." She giggled. "If I knew you were bringing a man, I’d have made my bed." 

"You’re not very choosy, are you?" She paused as if lost in thought. "Not at my age."

 "I left to question Kevin again." "Without me, no fair." Sticking her lower lip out, she looked even funnier. "Someone – they don't know who – beat the boy senseless, and he’s on his way to the hospital." "You think Jennifer’s dad tried to off him?" "Yes, that'd be my first guess, but he has an alibi. He was at the State Police Post filing a missing person’s report." "Likely story." Eleanor disappeared into the other room, then returned dressed in a low cut black shirt with matching Capri’s, still wearing her Ted Hose and tan canvas shoes. 

"What’s up with the sudden show of skin?" "It worked earlier. I like men to leer at me. It reminds me of working the streets in Saginaw."

Now while I was having a wee bit of fun here and there, Agnes had been getting reacquainted with her former boss, Andrew who was now single...I told you, right, that she'd always had the hots for him... Well, one night at my place, we had some drinks...nice little romance is developin'!

 I heard another explosion. The bullet struck a metal pan on the wall this time and ricocheted in the small shop until it stuck the only  man left standing right in the ass. 
"Freeze suckers," Eleanor shouted. She walked forward with a menacing look on her face. Her eyes darting between the men, her lips curled back into a snarl. She was holding a pink gun in her shaking hand. 
"You better listen to her," I shouted. I’m not sure if they felt intimidated, but they lit out into the back room. We heard clattering followed by screams and a growl. I could hear them kick the back door open, and we watched through the windows as the trio ran for their cars, leapt into them, and screeched onto US 23. Roy’s face mirrored mine.
 "Eleanor, where in the hell did you get that gun?" ~~~

But all that aside, our investigations were getting dangerous and shots were flying left and right--our car windows had to be replaced often! They definitely wanted us to stop searching for the killer, especially when Agnes realized that this just had to be tied into a cold family murder that had occurred years ago! Agnes had gone back to review that cold case and was on her way to talk to a guy who had once been a suspect...When we got there, he was dead, hung on a clothesline! With this murder, the state police officer even was willing to have us openly help with the case--of course we had to take a gun safety course, but I got my pink gun out and showed him I was ready! 

And I'm not even going to mention anything about the Mama coon...and her babies...

Well, sure, there's a great mystery to solve if you're into being a PI like my friend, Agnes...But, seein' as this was my first novel as a primary character, I just had to share some of what I got into! You know, Agnes saved me from slowly dying in an old people's home, so I owe her and heck, I even saved her life at least once from the goons! But I don't consider that payback! We're partners now, ya know...

Thanks so much for having me here at Book Reader's Heaven. I hope I told you 'nuf about this great cozy mystery debute and that you'll be following us in the next books! So, see ya soon!

Eleanor

GABixlerReviews

Amazon bestseller ~ Armed and Outrageous.

Author Madison Johns early days weren't spent writing -- they were spent dreaming. Her vivid imagination ran wild and took her places only dreams could. She read books, tons of books, they were her only friends. As a child, Madison Johns preferred to distance herself from other children her age, and had been described as a dreamer. Even as a small child, she remembers staying awake many a night fighting dragons, whisked away to foreign lands, or meeting the man of her dreams. She was a voracious reader of historical romance in her teen years and has always wished to one day journey to England, France, Ireland, and Scotland

The writing bug bit her at the age of 44 and she pounded out four books since that time. As the publishing climate changed she took a risk and decided to self publish, first a collection of two horror short stories geared for YA, Coffin Tales Season of Death.

Madison's caring nature had led her to work in the healthcare field, where she was employed as a nursing care assistant at a nursing home, and it was there that she was inspired to write her first mystery, Armed and Outrageous, introducing amateur detective, Agnes Barton. The book depicts two elderly ladies digging up clues with enough laugh out loud antics to make James Bond blush.

In late April of 2012 she released her first novel, Armed and Outrageous and it went on to become the #1 senior sleuth on Amazon.